In The Wholehearted Marriage: Fully Engaging Your Most Important Relationship, authors Greg Smalley (The DNA of Relationships) and Shawn Stoever discuss the traits of marriages that go beyond “good” and become “great.” They coined the term “wholehearted” to describe a marriage in which “both spouses have two fully open and engaged hearts.”

The authors write that “we look around and don’t see many people up at ‘great.’ There are few role models. Not many people to hang out with in the Great Marriage category. So we settle.”

Smalley believes busy schedules cause many modern couples to become more and more disconnected from each other, draining the passion that should be present in marriage and keeping them from an enriching relationship.

“We are moving at an ever-increasing speed toward who knows what and at a cost of who knows what,” Smalley said. “At warp speed, we miss out on chances to wholeheartedly engage our spouse, open our hearts for intimate sharing and have fun without interruptions. We just don’t have enough time for each other.”

Another obstacle to passion is when hearts are guarded, possibly for fear of rejection or pain. But feelings that block intimacy often lead to spouses feeling empty, disconnected and merely “coexisting.”

“None of us escapes childhood without some wounds,” Stoever writes in the book’s foreword. “These wounds lead us to protect ourselves. That protection takes the form of closing down our hearts and pushing people away. That closing down prevents us from fully engaging in life and relationships.”

Smalley said that “wholehearted” couples “rejoice and celebrate each other,” sharing moments of joy, laughter and adventure as well as grief and sorrow.

“Simply put, hearts are fully engaged and connected,” he said. “With two hearts fully open and engaged, spouses are free to love without reservations. They are interested in fully pursuing each other, which communicates desire and makes the other feel wanted.”

The book is divided into three sections. In the first section, Understanding the Heart, the authors explain how to understand the heart and where loves comes from, and discover why they need an open heart.

The second section, Unclogging the Heart, centers on identifying wounds, facing fears and creating a “safe” marriage.

The third, Unleashing the Heart, gives advice on how a reader can respond to “buttons” being pushed their spouse, helping communication and expressing empathy as well as putting laughter back into marriage.

Chapter titles include “The Wounded Heart,” “The Fearful Heart,” “Fighting for Your Mate’s Heart” and “Celebrating With Your Mate’s Heart.”

“Our goal is to help you understand the heart, value it, take care of it and use it to bless your spouse,” the authors write. “The benefits of a wholehearted marriage will be immeasurable.”

For more information or to order, contact Howard Books’ parent company, Simon & Schuster, at 800-858-4109, or visit www.simonandschuster.net.

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