|
 Latest project:
The Fantasy Fallacy: Exposing the Deeper Meaning Behind Sexual
Thoughts (Thomas Nelson).
The book 50 Shades of Grey has
become an international phenomenon. What do you believe is driving
its sales? I think readers are
naturally curious about all things sexual—single people because
they’re eager to experience it and married people because the
flames begin dying down and they want to light the fire again. But
when sex is such a taboo topic in our society, especially in families
and churches, it’s hard to know where to turn to quell curiosities
in a healthy way. I can see how incredibly graphic fiction could
easily draw their attention, especially with all of the media
attention it’s received! Have you heard of many Christians
reading 50 Shades? I have, but many are afraid to admit it because of
the potential for backlash from their Christian peers. There seems to
be four quadrants of people: those who read it, enjoyed it and
consider it a “love story”; those who read it, were offended by
it and consider it a “lust story”; those who refuse to read it at
all and are adamantly speaking out against it; and those who simply
aren’t interested in reading and are scratching their heads as to
what the hubbub is all about—which is why we’ve created synopses
for all the books in the “Fifty Shades” trilogy at
www.shannonethridge.com/fantasyfallacy, to help Christians understand
why some find the books appealing and others find them appalling.
Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions about literature, so I
don’t think there’s a black-and-white, right-or-wrong here. It
truly is a “shade of grey,” and many Christians are choosing to
read it for very admirable reasons, such as to be in touch with
today’s culture so they can minister effectively. On one hand, I am
concerned about the negative impact it could easily have, especially
on young, impressionable readers. On the other hand, I’m grateful
that this phenomenon is opening the doors for Christians to talk
openly about sexuality like never before. The Fantasy Fallacy will
equip readers with the right tools in our communication tool belts so
that we can fully understand the deeper sexual issues at hand, and
help others do the same. Otherwise, we could easily come off looking
like uptight prudes.
If someone hasn’t read 50
Shades, why should they read The Fantasy
Fallacy? We’re all sexual beings from cradle to
grave, and we all wrestle with bewildering sexual thoughts on
occasion. So do our children, our grandchildren, our friends, our
co-workers, so it’s time we gained a greater understanding of
sexual fantasy—how fantasies originate, what their roles are in our
brains and what the rules are in our bedrooms. Otherwise, our
ignorance can lead us to become a danger to ourselves and to others,
or at the very least, it can plague us with unnecessary guilt and
confusion. If we have any influence at all—in our study groups,
circle of friends, around the office water cooler—understanding the
deeper meaning behind the most common sexual thoughts known to man
(and woman) will equip us to be a tremendous blessing to those who
confide in us.
What is the
difference between lust and fantasy, or are they the same? Fantasy
is simply the brain’s way of trying to heal itself from some sort
of past emotional trauma or tragedy. Our brain compartmentalizes that
pain to make room for pleasure, because we’re mentally unable to
experience overwhelming pain and overwhelming pleasure
simultaneously. Lust becomes an issue, however, when we try to act
out that fantasy, luring someone else into our mental projection of
what we think will bring us pleasure. We must remember that sexual
fantasies are merely a rocky road map from our past, not a reliable
guide into future fulfillment. As the mantra goes, “The fantasy is
always better than the reality.”
What becomes
different in terms of fantasy when a person gets married? Often a
spouse will feel the need to entertain some sort of sexual fantasy in
order to get aroused enough to want to connect in the marriage bed.
Although many—especially women—struggle with guilt over this
mental dynamic, our creative imaginations are a gift from God. One
woman told me that for 30 years, she didn’t want to have sex with
her husband, and they almost divorced. But then she explained her
dilemma to a counselor who asked, “If God designed your brain in
such a way that you can become sexually aroused simply by
entertaining certain thoughts, isn’t that a blessing rather than a
burden?” Looking through this lens allowed her to give up the guilt
rather than giving up on her marriage. Twenty years later, after 50+
years of marriage, she says their sex life is better than she ever
imagined possible.
You address
issues such as online sexual connections and gay/lesbian fantasies.
In counseling, do you see a distinct difference between the believer
and unbeliever with regard to these temptations? Based on my
years of experience, there’s absolutely no difference whatsoever.
Whether we’re Christians or not, we’re sexual beings with sexual
fantasies that sometimes completely betray our religious or moral
codes of ethics. In fact, I’d say that people of faith have an even
greater challenge in coping with their sexual fantasies because
sexual guilt and shame are something that are often ingrained in them
by well-meaning spiritual parents. Then they don’t feel the freedom
to say to their Christian parents or spiritual leaders, “Hey, do
you have any idea why I would find such-and-such so sexually
arousing?” so they sweep their fantasies under the proverbial rug
and run the risk of tripping over it in the future.
Should singles
or marrieds read your book—or both? People are “sexual
beings,” whether they are married or single, male or female, young
or old, Catholic or Protestant, Democrat or Republican. Regardless of
our marital status, gender, race, economic background, political
views, etc., we all must learn how to be good stewards with God’s
gift of sexuality. The only person who doesn’t stand to benefit
greatly from reading The Fantasy Fallacy would be one who’s
no longer breathing because as long as you’re breathing, you’re a
sexual being.
 How does The
Fantasy Fallacy help women embrace healthy sexuality?
Sexual climax is mostly a mental activity for women, and a
woman’s mental fantasies are often quite unconventional, such as
being raped, dominated or spanked, having a much older or younger
partner, having a same-sex partner or even experiencing multiple
partners simultaneously. As women understand where their most
intimate (and often embarrassing) sexual fantasies actually
originate, they will learn that these activities are not what
they actually want in reality—thus removing the guilt, shame and
temptation. They will gain insight into the specific areas that are
still in need of God’s healing touch. And they will take solace in
the fact that sexual fantasies are merely the stories our brains
create in order to make us feel safe enough to experience euphoric
pleasure. In addition, The Fantasy Fallacy will help women
understand why their husbands have certain sexual fantasies, and can
equip her to become a source of healing in his life rather than a
source of judgment and condemnation.
What’s in
your book for men? Men will glean the same things as women—a
deeper understanding of their own deepest, darkest sexual thoughts
and fantasies, a game plan for how to control those fantasies before
they control us, plus a greater empathy for the sexual struggles of
others, especially their own wives and children. As the spiritual
leaders of the home, it would be great for husbands and dads to be
able to lead conversations with their wives and kids about
understanding their own sexuality—conversations that have most
often been avoided simply because parents didn’t have the tools to
communicate effectively about such sensitive and taboo topics.
How might
Christian retailers promote The Fantasy Fallacy?
Who on earth hasn’t heard tons about this trilogy, or
personally known several people who have either read it or are
thinking of reading it? A salesperson can pique the interest of the
customer by simply asking/stating:
“Have you
wondered what all of the 50 Shades of Grey hoopla is all
about? Or how Christians can respond to this cultural phenomenon?”
“Do you counsel
women or lead any sort of women’s group? Is the 50 Shades of
Grey phenomenon something they’re interested in talking about?”
“Do you have
daughters or friends who are reading 50 Shades of Grey? Would
you like to introduce them to a book that dives even deeper into the
topic of sexual fantasy, but in a healthy, holy way?”
Also, to kick off
the conversations, consider in-store signage that says, “Finally—a
Christian response to the “50 Shades of Grey” trilogy! or “50
Shades of Reality for Christian Readers!”
Read more of this Q&A online at
www.christianretailing.com/ethridge. |
After a grim medical diagnosis 11 years
ago, Ed Dobson shared his difficulties with viewers of a seven-part
film series titled “Ed’s Story.” Learning to live with ALS
(amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), also known as Lou Gehrig’s
disease, the now-retired pastor gives readers a further glimpse into
his life in Seeing Through the Fog: Hope When Your World Falls
Apart (978-0-781-40555-3, $17.99), releasing this month from
David C Cook.
ASK THE AUTHOR: Dee Henderson
Unlike most book formats and greeting
cards, gift books are still being purchased the old-fashioned way—by
direct contact with the customer. Here are a few tips I’ve seen
work well:
'League
of Incredible Vegetables' follows this summer's comic-book
blockbusters 